Blog Posts

If I were to count the times pornography use comes up in my work as marriage counselor, I’d be stumped because it is such a great number!  Many of my clients are Christian.  Yet they are not immune to this problem!   What some want to think of as “hurting no one,” greatly hurts individuals and relationships.

My point today is that virtually all the people who’ve had this issue tell me that they were exposed to it early.  In childhood or pre-teen years, boys (especially) come across images that suck them into wanting more.  Now that children and most teens have a “Smartphone” with Internet, the likelihood of encountering such images is high.  Further, it isn’t the Playboy type images of decades ago.  Though Playboy has enticed many, I have been told that today’s images are much more powerful and sick, in most cases.  

If you feel alone in setting limits in this area, consider getting with some other parents who could share your concern.  Brainstorm a specific limit on when and where your children will have access to the phones and other Internet devices.  As a group of parents, begin the new limits at the same time in the various households.  Act with confidence.

I find that MANY parents are fearful that their youth will “hit the ceiling” if limits are set.  Think.  Who pays for the Internet service?  Whose home is it?  

I do know that some families do not allow Internet access except in a very limited, structured way.  Excellent.  Yet even at that, we can assume that most children will somehow be exposed to the Internet outside your home. 

If you are unsure about a place that your children/teens ask to visit, stop and consider how confident you are of boundaries on what is viewed.  As parent, you have the prerogative to say “no” to visiting such places.  Further, you do not owe anyone an explanation.  It can be enough to say that you don’t know the people well.   Sadly, even people in the same home can be unaware of what enters via electronics.

Of great importance in this endeavor is acting clearly, confidently, and calmly.  Be willing to listen to objections to your boundaries, if it is stated respectfully.  But do not get entangled in an argument.  One helpful idea is to ask your children to write out their objections for you.  In the big picture, no matter what the children want, it is the parents who have years more experience in living, and are expected to set limits.